Friday, May 30, 2014
Shooting for the MIlky Way
i try to stay motivated but i swear sometimes it feels like my lifes a fucking joke. from afar it seems like i have everything put together but its far from that. the stress is killing me, so much so that i can barely stand to be sober. im going to work now, time to chug two Budweisers and pack the ol' bowl. the thing that kills me the most is that i know i have so much potential, and its just rotting away. i dont want to wait until im done with college to get a good job. i want a decent living and i want it now because at this rate, itll be a miracle if i make it through junior year. sometimes i break down and cry for hours for no reason, its not for "no reason" its all the shit that builds up inside. how im the only brown kid in this redneck town, how ive been working continuously for four years and i was just 18 last week, how i could never ask my mom for help because she never made it this far, how my father didnt call me on my birthday.. or ever. i just dont want to do it anymore, its so much hate. i hate the world for being so unfair, i hate this country for being so prejudice, but at the end of the day that doesn't matter because i dont blame anyone but myself, and thats what fucking sucks because i was born into these predicaments but every part of my wants so hard to succeed. Ive dealt with so much that i know i dont deserve mediocre, im shooting for the Milky Way.