Not a want but a need.

"YOU NEED TO BE PERFECT, YOU NEED TO BE THIN, YOU NEED TO BE PRETTY, YOU NEED TO SUCCEED"

Over and over I hear these taunting words. I toss and turn but I cannot sleep. This is so familiar. Its happened before. I'm beginning to sweat. I cannot breathe. I can feel my heart beat throughout my body. What is happening? What am I missing? What is the meaning behind this insomnia and unhappiness? Oh wait, could it be? No, never. I am living a healthy lifestyle. That comes with joy and bliss. Lies. I'm not happy, instead miserable. Not healthy, instead fat. There is no other explanation. I know what I am missing. The key component to perfection... Ana. Oh, how I've missed you. Please forgive me. Do not be angry with me. I promise to listen. This time will be different. I will obey you, do anything you please. But please make me thin...

20 Challenge!

In twenty days im going to the beach and im still 138.6 ): My goal weight by the time I go to the beach is 130.0. Oh goodness, I need to do this. I think im going to eat allot of soup during this time. Campbell has allot of low calorie soups so im planning on basically living off of that haha.

Tonight im going out to eat with my boyfriend. Were going to Olive Garden and im thinking about having the Minestrone soup because its only 100 calories. Yeap, i looked it up hahah. I did really good today so i dont want to ruin it ha. So today's day 20, 19 more days to go...

Three strikes &you're out

My eating lately hasnt been so good ): I cant stop eating but for some reason Ive only gained one pound :D I know thats not a good thing but hey, it could be a lot worse. I think its the walking, ever since my little chat with that guy last week Ive been walking everywhere and it seems to be paying off. Today I am going to stay home though and focus on getting myself on track. Im going to fast, no foods or liquids no exceptions.

I was soo bored at work the other night that I came up with this poem;

I want to be skinny with all my heart.

I want to be thin so there's no fat parts.

Diet soda and water with nothing to eat.

Because I'll surely stay fat if I indulge in a treat.

Hahaha, there was more to it but I didn't write it down and can only remember this part :P speaking of work, I  keep oversleeping and coming in late so I think I'm getting fired but I think that's just what I need, that place is filled with fattening food and its always so tempting. Ill be sure to find a new job with something that doesnt involve food or atleast food I like haha. Im off for a walk, goodbye lovies xoxo

'Oh, Just Walking'

The most inspirational thing happened to me yesterday afternoon. I was walking home from work and I bumped into this guy from school and he was sooo thin! I couldnt believe my eyes. I didn't recognize him at all. He looked like he'd been thin all his life. I asked him how he did it and he said...

       

     Superthin Guy: Oh, just walking

     Jealous & Amazed teen: No way, just walking?!

     Superthin Guy: Yeap hah, I pretty much just walk everywhere now

     Jealous & Amazed teen: Wow, that's great. You look really good

     Superthin Guy: Thanks, I almost have a six pack...

I know! I couldn't believe it either, I'm still in shock but i'm deffinately doing what he did. No more having my mom take me to school or to work, from now on I am doing things the old fashion way :D

W.Countdown: 20.8 (137.8lbs!)

stay strong and don't give up!

xoxo <3 !

Busy Bee

Argg ohkay, so I know I said I would weigh in like forever ago but I always oversleep and end up not having time to step on the scale. Tomorrow I dont work though so hopefully then I'll know if I lost those extra pounds I gained at the beach. When I got back i was 144.6, I know disgusting but I'm hoping I'm somewhere below 138 then I'll be on track again and can focus on losing more.

Yesterday I ate a chicken patty at around 11ish and then a tortilla chip at around 7. I wasnt trying to restrict, it just happend. Since i dont eat too often i get nauseous really easily and that makes me not want to eat which means more nauseaouseness! Its a vicious cycle but atleast ill lose weight :D

Double dose of no appetite (:

Whoooop whooop! So i went in for my medication check up for ADD and since the medication wasn't really working to well with keeping me focused my dose up increased to 54mg! Yesterday was my first day on it and it was amazing, I only ate because i had to (hanging out with friends, family breakfast, etc) because i wasn't hungry at all but even then, I had a total of about 400 calories (: Today, I ate a slice of toast with the pill and that's all i plan to eat the rest of the day

Yuck, yesterday I went to an orthodontist appointment and since i don't wear my clear retainers my teeth have shifted and now I have to wear those ugly metal retainers to move them back in place ): They were so painful but today the pain isnt so bad, thank god. I sound like the black duck off of Looney Tunes but i just realized that wearing this thing will keep me away from eating without thinking since i have to take them out to eat :D Im suppose to get used to them though so the weird taking should go away, hopefully before school! haha

This morning I made a shopping list for stuff ill need for school. I know school is far from now but still, im going to the beach with my parents in August so i need to save up money for that and school clothes as well. this year im going to dress casual and comfy. Skinny jeans, a tee shirt, and some vans. Yeap, thats it haha well occasionally i might throw in an oversized cardigan and swap vans with toms hahah

W. Countdown: tomorrow is weigh in day

stay strong and focus on the important things in life

xoxo <3!

Back from the Beach!

Hello beautiful ladies! I am back from the beach and let me tell you, I am more pumped than ever to lose weight. I looked amazing it felt so good to have guys notice me for something other than my personality. Another thing that was absolutely amazing, is that I was the thinnest one in the group (: I didn't have double D-sized boobs like my friends but hey, i looked pretty darn good in my bikinis haha

The only bad side to looking good is that i forgot that i had to maintain that weight off, during the trip i didnt notice any difference but now that I'm home, oh yesss i deffinately see the extra pounds creeping up on me again. Tomorrow I'm going to start restricting again, hmm i don't know I'm thinking about starting the ABC Diet, anyone want to join? (:

FIFTEEN FOLLOWERS! :D I currently have 15 of you wonderful beauties following my blog and i just want to let you guys know that if you ever need a little motivation or just feel like talking about thats taunting number on the scale, don't hesitate to contact me!

W.Countdown: ----

stay strong & remember what truly matters

xoxo <3!